It’s been about a month since we did EMDR with Jonathan. During the session I kept thinking “Really? This is it? Might as well wave a magic wand and dance naked in the rain on a full moon.”
But, the last few weeks have been veeeeryy interesting. Immediately, Jonathan would say and do things that I kept thinking “Hmm, interesting. Is that a coincidence or….?” He wasn’t calmer in any way, but he seemed more agreeable and assured…? Maybe that’s not the right word, but something was a bit different.
The most notable things were:
– The next day he repeated back everything she said to him (our hearts are stretchy to love lots of people, moving lots can be scary, he’s now safe etc.)
– When we talked about going to visit family for the weekend he told me “But I’m not going to live there, I’m not”. Where as before any place we visited, or new house we went to, he would ask if that was his new house.
– While visiting family (just 4 days after our first session) he refused to go sleep (he never does) and just kept saying “I don’t like sleeping”. We just laid together and I told him he didn’t have to sleep but he had to lay quietly. Eventually he slept but he repeated it in the morning too. And then never again. That was weird.
– He asked why we had to go see Tara (New Therapist Lady) and was open to talking about it.
– He has been having mostly ‘green’ days at school and last week was all green (green is the best kind of day). And, he comforted a friend who was upset without any prompting…yes I wrote about this in my last post you are not having dejavue, but showing real and true empathy is something I think worth repeating.
– He is decreasing the immediacy of asking what’s for dinner when I picked him up after work from when I walk in the door of his day home to half way home or almost home.
– He let the school, and me, put band aids on him when he fell at school and got a nasty cut on his hand. He has always refused this kind of grown up care just outright now allowing us to clean a cut or put band aids on cuts. Hmmmm, interesting….
And two of the most interesting (I think):
One night between after school and his shower he was a mess – I couldn’t even look at Gord without him squawking, banging the table at dinner, interrupting etc. I sat him down before his shower, just the two of us, and asked what was going on. We had some cuddles and did some breathing and talked about how sometimes he gets nervous or scared and it’s hard even though he lives here forever and mom and dad love him etc. and he hugged me and said it was scary moving to all those houses. A week earlier when I asked if it was scary he answered “No, I was brave!”
One night we are talking before bed about first mom and dad and I told him it was ok if he loved them because his heart was big and stretchy enough to love anybody he wanted to. He told me that he didn’t love them. I asked why and he told me “I don’t know them”. Makes sense to me! I think that’s pretty good logic for a 6-year-old.
Was some of those things coincidences? Maybe. Am I looking for positive outcomes and I’m paying attention to tiny changes or comments more than I usually would? For sure.
But there are more than just a couple (and more little changes in behaviour or comments than I have listed have occurred) to be coincidences, I think. We go back again to see our lovely New Therapist Lady in a week or so and I am looking forward to more voodoo, singing to the trauma gods, spinning three times around a fire while citing passages backwards…or you know, something like that.