I’m sitting in the sun room listening to the rain and sipping my tea. The day has been relaxed and easy and I’ve even had the patients to laugh and be silly and have a spontaneous dance party when we should have been getting ready for bed.

I’m on vacation. And I wish I could feel like this all the time.

I wish I could always move at a regular pace instead of always feeling like I need to be in fast mode. I wish I could be relaxed enough to think clearly about behaviours with Jonathan so that I can more often choose the better way to respond. I wish I could always be in casual mode so that scrubbing off the dusty grease from the oven hood wouldn’t be a job that sends me off the roof but instead gets a shoulder shrug and a meh. I wish I could have more fun and enjoy the everyday things instead of seeing them as work and one more thing to check off my list.

The only difference between today (and other times I’ve felt like this) is that it happens on days when I don’t work.

I love my job, I can’t imagine how much more un-relaxed I would feel if I didn’t, but apparently it sucks the fun out of me. At the end of the day I don’t have the energy and time and patience that is required to have fun where it counts the most and with the people who count the most.

Or, at least I think I don’t.

I need a way to find a better balance. I need a way to give less (this is coming out all wrong but my brain is so relaxed I can’t find words) at work and give more at home. To have more dance parties and not want to cry because the frickin’ base boards are disgusting (again) and I can’t handle one more thing on my list.

There is a way to do this, there must be. I just haven’t found it yet.


3 thoughts on “Relax

  1. If you find a better balance, please let me know. I’m suffocated and overwhelmed (unless I’m at a beach house) and I stay home with my kids. And, I think the solution is going to work. Good for me to read this and get a dose of reality.

  2. If I find it I’m going to bottle it up and sell it! I don’t know if there is a better balance or just a better way of doing things, or prioritizing things…or something else. Sometimes going to work feels like a break from home but it brings it’s own challenges as I”m sure staying at home with kids all day does. Hope you are finding your beach house:)

  3. You wrote here exactly how I feel on a daily basis!! I feel I suck the fun out of everything because I’m over analyzing it to death, to the point I’m wound so tight even I don’t want to be around me! It’s gotten worse I think since Keegan arrived, I can’t let things go because if I don’t get it done when I have a minute who knows when it will get done. And I think I’m rubbing off in kev – he’s been wound as tight, trying to get everything done all at once. I feel like we are living in a crazy house! Sure glad we became friends – we are one in the same!!

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