After writing a post a few weeks ago about receiving contact information and pictures of Jonathan’s birth family from our adoption worker, I bit the bullet and wrote to his grandparents. His grandparents live about an hour or so away in another town and have adopted two of Jonathan’s brothers who are 13 and 11. The boys know about Jonathan, although have never met him.

What I thought was going to be riddled with emotion and heartache and drama, really wasn’t all that dramatic after all. I felt that it was really important to make contact with them; knowing what I know about adoption, through reading and through blogging, and learning how important that connection to history and family is, I don’t want him to miss out on that part of his life.

I think because I felt this way, when it came down to it, it was actually very matter of fact and easy to do. I was nervous the day I sent the email. Waiting for a reply, checking the email account I had set up specifically for this about, oh, 14 times or so. But then I put it to the back of my mind.

Until tonight.

I checked the account and there was a reply.

A lovely, kind and understanding reply.

Insert sigh of relief.

We had explained that because of Jonathan’s language and still settling in, we haven’t told him about their family. Yet. We explained that we thought it was important but we needed to give him time and would start explaining more to him beyond ‘mum and dad adopted you’ when we felt he was ready.

And they got it.

It’s such a positive experience, this first connection to Jonathan’s past. I hope that we can get to know each other and create relationships for Jonathan with all the people in his life that care for him so much.

Next step: send a letter to his birth mom through the adoption registry. I’m thinking that one will be a tad more emotion laden and slightly more nerve wracking waiting for a reply. Fingers crossed!


11 thoughts on “Contact

  1. Fair play to you!! Contact can be such a sensitive issue and it sounds like you are handling it all really well. Really pleased for you that the family’s reply was positive too. All the best with the next letter.

  2. It’s great that you took the initiative to contact them – I’m sure the first step is always the hardest. I’m glad it went smoothly and that they were understanding. Best wishes with the next step!

  3. How wonderful that they seem to be understanding, and hopefully this will give you a bases to form a relationship which I have no doubt will be beneficial to Jonathan. The first letters are hard, but I just seem them as a review of the year now and send them off not thinking we’ll get a reply, because we never do.

    Thanks for linking up with The Weekly Adoption Shout Out. x

    • Keeping the bigger picture in mind (aka Jonathan) is what it’s really about, not my own feelings towards it all. I’m not expecting a reply from bm/bd which is step 2 but we’ll see! Thanks for reading:)

  4. I’m glad you received a positive response. I remember the first letter nerves very well. We are fortunate that birth father and his dad are very good and always write letters that are supportive and focus’s on boys and connecting Boy’s interests with their own at their age. The boys have always found this great as it gives them that connection. Birth mum’s family are more hit and miss, and brings it’s own issues

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