We are in a hot mess of new routines, new jobs, new daycare and new germs (cough, sniffle) and with it has come new situations to navigate…
I’ve been back to work for two weeks now, and really what I mean by this is I’ve been around more adults in the last two weeks than I have in over 9 months.
It’s been lovely, but I am struggling with a couple of things. That is a few things besides having no energy/brain power left for the few hours I get to see Jonathan in the evenings now and trying to mash dinner, clean up, housework or laundry, bathing him and bed in a really small window of time. Oh and we try to play too. Occasionally. We’ll get this new routine down soon I’m sure…right?
Struggle number one: I’ve heard “he’s so lucky to have you” more times than I care to mention during these past couple weeks. I don’t know why it bothers me so much, I know it’s not coming from any place but the person being happy for us, but for some reason it really does irk me. Plus I still don’t have a good response besides the grit my teeth and say no no, we’re the lucky ones…So any advice would be fantastic. Preferably if it contains sarcasm or some insider adopter humor.
Struggle number two: I’ve given more information to the daycare staff about Jonathan’s history than I thought I was going to. And I feel a bit icky about it.
My (our) intentions all along have been like most adopters – to not share Jonathan’s story with others because it is his to share when and if he chooses to. Even most of our close friends and family don’t know much of the details of the reports and information we have about his past. But, after a couple of rough days adjusting to his new daycare I felt that it was important for the staff to understand where his behaviour was coming from as they were quite panicked…and so were we!
I took a great idea from Claire at Family of Five and adapted it; basically it’s an explanation of his different behaviours and where they are probably coming from (ie. need to feel safe, doesn’t trust grow ups etc.) and how we deal with them at home (reassurance, describing his role as a kid and ours as a grown up etc.).
The letters itself isn’t my struggle, but in a conversation I had with one of the directors the next day I ended up giving much more detail than I thought I would to a non-family member or friend.
I struggle with it too because I don’t want a pity party or special treatment given because they feel sorry for him, or want them to feel like they should let him get away with things because he’s had it rough, or not tell us he’s had a rough day because he deserves a break. But, in order for him to be successful I feel that they need extra information so they can have an understanding of where he’s coming from and maybe a bit more patience and perhaps a different approach to behaviours than they are use to. But, in order to get this from them they need information…more than what I thought I wanted to share. Curse you vicious cycles. I know this will come up from here on out with teachers and other people along the way, so I suppose we start figuring it out now!
How do we do it all? How do we work and spend time together and run a house all at the same time? How do we deal with all the irking comments? How do we know when too much info is too much and when it is needed?
This going back to work thing is a lot more than just showing up for work and coming home. It brought a wholelotta baggage to the game. Just plopped them down on the floor and threw them wide open so all the stuff inside started spilling out.
I know the best thing to do is welcome all that baggage with open arms and make them a cup of tea while they settle in.
I will try to embrace all the change, be open to it and try to roll with it. And the stack of cookies beside me sure do help too;)