Here we go

As I write, my dad is on a plane heading in my direction. And in a couple of hours I will pick Jonathan up from school and after a quick bite of lunch we will head to the airport to meet Papa.

There are too many emotions to even contemplate sorting out right now, especially at 9am in Starbucks where I tend to cry all too often when I write. I’ll save that for next week when I’m more prepared with a bag full of kleenex and have had some time to process. And of course when I’m armed with some photos:)

This is the beginning of a slew of change and visitors. I have been thinking of strategies for Jonathan, and me, to help us cope over the next months and all I’ve come up with is breath and eat chocolate and chips. I’ll keep working on that. If anybody has any suggestions for when people are visiting and how to handle your adopted kid who can’t handle change, disruption, new people or a tired mama on a regular day please lemme know!

If yesterday was an indication of how things will go then yikes! I just may buy stocks in Humptys and Old Dutch….
Our social worker had a visit, and like when all visitors leave he looses his cool and gets discombobulated for several hours after (she was barley out the door and he was on the floor crying because I said something obviously wrong). But it was during the visit too that he was thrown off, something I thought he was getting better at as evident by two awesome visits from my friend this past week that went so so well. Sigh. One forward two back right?

The extent of Jonathan’s neglect and disruption in the first 4 years of his life is becoming more and more evident as we approach 6 months (whoohooo!) of placement.
In many ways as he is really starting to show us what he needs, what is difficult for him, and where he’s coming, which in turn is helping me have more patience and understanding through the bizarre and quirky and constant behaviours. I mean I knew before, but somehow seeing the patterns and consistent struggles, especially juxtaposed against some really great days these last couple of weeks, is somehow evolving and changing our relationship, our grasp, and our love too, for each other.

AND, because there’s not enough topic changes in this post, Jonathan is signing and talking like crazy! He seems to be in a spurt of language explosion, both talking and signing. This morning in the car, which is often the hardest time to understand him because I can’t see him signing, he told me “mommy bunny back there on grass” I nearly pulled over to find the flippin’ bunny I was so excited. Every word clear, a spontaneous sentence, out of context and I understood. Progress people! He also signed at a stop light “few people walking outside” and “sometimes lots people” Who is this kid?! Since when did he know the sign for ‘sometimes’? Is this what happens when he sleeps more than 9 hours?!

And I swear he’s getting cuter too.

Enough rambling. I have coping supplies to stock up on and a cute little sponge to pickup to meet his Papa. Have a wonderful rest of the week!

 

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8 thoughts on “Here we go

  1. Ooh I’m feeling nervous for you!! πŸ™‚
    The only thing I find that helps baby girl when she gets dysregulated is touch, I pull her on my knee put my hand up her tshirt and stroke the skin on her back and tummy and whisper in her ear, this tends to calm her and make her feel ‘safe’ again πŸ™‚

    Failing that, arm yourself with lots of wine and chocolate for after bedtime πŸ™‚

    • Thanks Claire…so far so good, actually REALLY good. Jonathan’s been awesome, doesn’t seem any more up or down then usual. My dad leaves tomorrow in the morning so the rest of the day should give us a good idea of how he’s coping:)

  2. How great that he’s progressing so well?! Fantastic spontaneous talk like that… πŸ™‚

    Mini, when he’s hyped up, dysregulated or anxious does not do touch. It takes him up a gear instead. We’re advised to match his tone of voice and rapid movements, then gradually slow it down and in theory he should follow. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn’t.

    During periods of change, or when routine is lacking, we now make sure Mini knows in advance (although only by a day, sometimes hours) what we’re doing. We remind him just before, then again whilst we’re in the car, and we always make sure he knows we’re coming home, together. We tell him that last bit lots. We sometimes tell him about something that we’ll be doing when we get home which cements the idea for him. This works for all sorts of situations.

    But I agree with thefamilyof5 – chocolate post bedtime, washed down with gin.

    Good luck! xx

    • Yeah, touch does funny things with Jonathan – sometimes he likes it and sometimes he doesn’t and it’s all very random. That’s interesting of matching his hyped up state to then bring him down…I might give that a go:)
      I hear you about timing the warnings of what is happening, sometimes I don’t dare tell Jonathan that we are going somewhere or seeing someone until we are just about on our way.
      I have been repeating that Papa leaves and Jonathan stays many times over the last couple of days so we will see tomorrow, and I think I’ll use your ‘cement’ idea tomorrow for after the airport drop off. Thanks!

  3. oh i hope that you have a great visit with your dad. i am sure you will but i know it is an important meeting. just take it in stride, don;t aim for perfect and try and enjoy yourself even if it isn;t how you wanted it. love you.xc

    • I don’t aim for perfect anymore with anything! Haha. But sometimes I do need those reminders so thank you:) It’s been awesome so far…he leaves tomorrow so fingers crossed it doesn’t throw him off too much.

  4. I hope your visit goes well – and if you learn new strategies, let me know!

    I may need to know soon – we got a call today that we have a potential match, and they had some “match specific” questions they needed answered before they gave us the info, which we won’t find out now til next week (oh so harrowing to not know!). I keep meaning to email you – have to do that soon!

    • Such exciting news! And yes all the waiting, especially just before matching is terrible! Visit is really good so far…we’ll see ehat happens when my dad has to leave!

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