A blog I love to read and follow, Enjoying the Small Things, asked for readers to comment on the beauty they have found in the unexpected, a theme derived from her new book Bloom. Given all that is happening with our pending adoption and mothers day looming, this is what came to my mind and was my comment:
I lost my mom to cancer when I was 21, and was still grieving and trying to figure it all out seven years later when I met my now husband and his son, who at the time was 5 years old. Because Anthony still has a very active mom in his life, and probably due to the grieving of my own mom, I’ve always struggled with seeing myself as a ‘real mom’. I have had many identity crisis’ over what being a mom means; does it mean you have to give birth? Does it mean you have to be the only mom figure in a child’s life? And even though I knew the answer to these was no, in my heart I didn’t believe it for a long time. Then we found out that I couldn’t have children. Adoption was an obvious alternative for us (we are currently waiting to be placed with our child in the next couple of months!), but since making the decision to adopt, the battle inside my head emerged again and I asked myself over and over what does being a mom really mean? Who defines it? And what makes a person a mom? On and on the questions went. I can tell you now with confidence that it is me; I am a mom. I define what it means. You don’t need to give birth to a child to be a mom to them, but you need to love and accept and embrace. I know Anthony sees me as his mom, his Step Mom, and it’s a role I am proud to have. He has a mom too, and that’s ok. This time next year I’ll be an Adoptive Mom, another role I can’t wait to have. But no matter how you slice it, I’m a mom. And that is the beauty that I have found in the unexpected.